Inspired by:
The Emperor's New Clothes
by Hans Christian Anderson
Once upon a time, there lived a vain CEO at a large software vendor. His only worry in life was to sell more software and decide between blue or red for his personal jet. He changed application product names almost every hour and loved to show his grand vision to the staff and customers.
Word of the CEO's self-proclaimed grand vision spread over his domain and beyond. Two consultants who had heard of the CEO's vanity decided to take advantage of it. With a clever scheme in mind, they introduced themselves at the reception desk of the extravagant corporate headquarters.
"We are two very experienced consultants. After many years of research, we have invented an extraordinary method of developing an enterprise application so light and so fast that it looks transparent to the surrounding infrastructure while it integrates and aggregates all of your corporate data into an easy-to-digest dashboard. As a matter of fact, it is invisible to anyone too stupid and incompetent to appreciate its quality."
The COO heard the consultant's strange story and sent for the Senior Vice President of Development. The Senior Vice President of Development notified the Director of Application Development and Director of Marketing, who ran to the CEO and disclosed the incredible news. The CEO's curiosity got the better of him and he deigned to see the two consultants.
"In addition to being invisible, this application will utilize only the latest in SOA, XML, and advanced design patterns created especially for you," boasted the consultants. The CEO gave the two men a bag of gold coins in exchange for their promise to begin working on the application immediately.
"Just tell us what you need and we'll give it to you," said the CEO. The two consultants asked for a server, SAN, Inifiband, database, and Web application server and then pretended to begin work.
The CEO thought he had spent his money quite well. In addition to adding a new, extraordinary application to his product suite, he would discover which of his subordinates were ignorant and incompetent. A few days later, he called the old and wise Director of Marketing, who was considered by everyone as a man with common sense.
"Go and see how the work is proceeding," the CEO told him, "and come back to let me know."
The Director of Marketing was welcomed by the two consultants.
"We're almost finished, but we need some additional funding. Here, admire the graphical user interface, see the exemplarary consideration for ease of use!" The old man bent over the terminal and tried to see the application that was not there. He felt cold sweat on his forehead.
"I can't see anything," he thought. "If I see nothing, that means I'm stupid! Or, worse, incompetent!" If the Director of Marketing admitted that he didn't see anything, he would be discharged from his corner office with the view.
"What a marvelous prototype,” he announced. "I'll certainly tell the CEO." The two consultants rubbed their hands together gleefully. They had almost made it. Another round of funding was requested to finish the work.
Finally, the CEO received word that the two consultants had come to take all the measurements needed to build his new presentation center to house and demonstrate this wonderous application to potential customers.
"Come in," the CEO ordered. Even as they bowed, the two consultants pretended to be holding large reams of software requirements and design documents.
"Here it is your Highness, the result of our labor," the consultants said. "We have worked night and day but, at last, the Most Beautiful Application in the world is ready for you. Look at the GUI and see how fine it is." Of course, the CEO did not see any application. He panicked and felt like fainting. Luckily, the leather highback was right behind him and so he sat down. But when he realized that no one knew that he did not see the new enterprise application, he felt better. Nobody would find out he was stupid and incompetent. Meanwhile, everybody around him was glad that their ignorance was not known to others, as well.
The farce continued as the two consultants had foreseen it. After they had taken the measurements, the two began plumbing the air ducts with elaborate hand waving as they installed and deployed their invisible application to equally invisible servers with invisible high-end visualization systems.
"Your Highness, you'll have to take your other servers offline to try out your new application," the consultants informed the CEO. The two consultants pretended to power up the new datacenter and applications. Then they held up an invisible remote command control for review. The CEO was embarrassed once again, but because none of his bystanders seemed to be, he felt relieved.
"Yes, this is a beautiful application and it looks very good to me," the CEO said, trying to look comfortable. "You've done a fine job."
"Sir," the Directors of Application Development and Marketing said in unison to the CEO, "we have a request for you. The staff have found out about this extraordinary application and they are anxious to see you demonstrate it's use."
The CEO was uneasy about possibly showing himself incompetent to the staff, but he quickly abandoned his fears. After all, no one would know about it except the ignorant and the incompetent.
"All right," he said. "I will grant the staff this privilege." He summoned his secretary to invite the staff into the new demonstration center. A brief ceremonial parade was formed through the halls and employess funneled into the executive suite for the demonstration.
Everyone said, loud enough for the others to hear: "Look at the CEO's new application. Is it not beautiful?"
"What a marvelous user interface!"
"And the layout! The integration of that database! I have never seen anything like it in my life!" They all tried to conceal their disappointment at not being able to see the application or even the demonstration center itself. None was willing to admit his own stupidity and incompetence; they all behaved as the two consultants had predicted.
A young intern, however, who had no important job and could only see things as his eyes showed them to him, went up to the demonstration.
"The application is fake," he said.
"Fool!" his supervisor reprimanded, running after him. "Don't talk nonsense!" He grabbed his intern and took him away. But the intern's remark, which had been heard by the rest of the staff, was repeated over and over again throughout the crowd until everyone cried:
"The intern is right! The application doesn't exist!"
The CEO realized that the people were right but could not admit to the truth they pointed out. He thought it better to continue the demonstration under the illusion that anyone who couldn't see his application was either stupid or incompetent. "Tomorrow," he announced, "we will invite our largest and most respected customer to the demonstration center to behold this wonderous new application!"
-The End-
Well, almost... The actual end didn't occur for several months. By then the company was floundering, 85 percent of the staff had been laid off, and the CEO had been relieved of his duties. The last anyone saw of him, he was sitting on the beach at a posh island resort trying to decide between the red or blue umbrella for his drink. He did have a nice severance package, after all.