Using Twitter is like being trapped in an elevator with someone who has a severe case of attention deficit disorder and just consumed three pots of truck-stop coffee. It's a nonstop diet of sometimes useful, sometimes funny, but mostly semi-coherent and self-serving banalities, served up in 140-character spoonfuls.
Though I use Twitter on a semi-daily basis, I rarely spend more than five minutes on Twitter.com at any one time. More than that and my brain starts to melt.
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Last night, Twitter unveiled a new design it hopes will entice people to stay on the site until their gray matter turns into guacamole.
Want to see the new Twitter in action? Good luck. As I write this, one of the biggest trending topics on Twitter is "Where the heck is the new Twitter?" The Twit-heads say they will be rolling the new version out over the next month.
In the meantime, Twitter does offer up an annoyingly Apple-esque two-minute video, half of which has nothing to do with the new design but is all about how Twitter apparently sees its users.
So if you use Twitter, you sleep late, wear casual clothing, take the bus to work, listen to vinyl albums, hang around in bookstores, drink wine, and gaze at the sky for hours on end while being followed everywhere by paper cutouts of Twitter's sky-blue "tweetie" logo. By the end of this video, I wanted to take a match to that damned bird.