I don't know about you, but my Christmas list is all set. I'm hoping Santa finally brings me that Ferrari 458 Italia and the prefrontal lobotomy I've always wanted. But because I'm such a generous soul, I've also been shopping for the better-known personae in the world of technology.
Here are a few presents I'm leaving under the tree for some of the good and not-so-good girls and boys in high tech this year.
[ The year is almost up, and just in time, Cringely has a list of the 10 dumbest tech moves of 2011. | For a humorous take on the tech industry's shenanigans, subscribe to Robert X. Cringely's Notes from the Underground newsletter. | Get the latest insight on the tech news that matters from InfoWorld's Tech Watch blog. ]
Meg Whitman: A Magic 8-Ball to help in her decision making as HP's latest CEO. Will the 8-Ball's sage advice make HP less of a slow-motion trainwreck? Ask again later.
Mark Zuckerberg: An ermine-lined hoodie to wear during the launch of Facebook's IPO early next year. He'll be well on his way to becoming the world's richest man, and he needs to dress appropriately -- or as appropriately as we can reasonably expect.
Bill Gates: A T-shirt that says, "No, I am not planning to return to Microsoft as CEO, I am quite happy trying to heal the sick and educate the poor, thank you for asking." I may need to make it an XXX large just to fit all that.
Bradley Manning: A copy of Julian Assange's unauthorized autobiography, to while away those long hours in solitary confinement.
Julian Assange: A DVD boxed set of HBO's prison drama "Oz." The man has to bone up before he's sent away to the big house.
Steve Ballmer: A lifetime supply of Valium. Also, plenty of towels.
Jeff Bezos: A toupee, a beard, a complete makeover -- anything to make him look a little less like Dr. Evil.