BizSpeak for the geek

Back in the go-go ’90s, business meetings were awhirl with arcane buzzwords clearly inspired by last-minute visits to Dack.com’s Web Economy B.S. Generator. IT workers were often left to raise a brow and wonder just how much commitment was required to feel fulfilled in a virtual partnership.

Remember “mindshare”? A show of hands: Who actually knew what that meant?

For better or worse, no one says mindshare anymore. Today they say wallet share, although the meanings of the terms would seem to differ. Therefore, we offer this abridged lexicon of trendy business terms -- and some that won’t go away -- to help you keep your poker face in any boardroom.

align business and IT v : to restructure IT to match business priorities <Confronted with a disappointing net net, senior management decided it was time to align business and IT.> see disintermediate, net net

day sales outstanding n : financial indicator that measures the time it takes to turn accounts receivable into cash <Would the last person to calculate our day sales outstanding please turn out the lights?>

dehire v : to terminate employment (used euphemistically to avoid harsh words such as “fire” or “terminate”) <The first person you dehire sends a clear message to those wishing to remain hired.>

disintermediate v : to cut out the middleman; to examine the supply chain and bypass any entity not seen as a value-add <When manufacturers say they are planning to disintermediate, listen carefully; it used to be called going direct.> see value-add

helicopter vision n 1 : an overview or all-encompassing analysis 2 : long-term view <With helicopter vision, we can look at this deal from 30,000 feet -- or higher, considering the maximum altitude of helicopter flight is approximately 42,000 feet.>

holistic adj 1 : all-encompassing; soup to nuts  2 : (derog.) not as narrow and unproductive as previous attempts <With due respect to my predecessor, I’m planning a much more holistic approach.> see marketechture

incentivize v : to motivate <I can think of no better way to incentivize me than to offer me more money.>

ladder the process v : to outline the steps in a project or business plan <In this meeting, I’d like to ladder the process of putting out our top-priority fires.>

marketechture n 1 : a marketing campaign’s design  2 : a computer architecture “marketed aggressively despite not yet existing,” per Wordspy.com  <This marketechture diagram indicates that our competitors are about to bury us.> see dehire

net net n : the bottom line or result <The net net of our initiative uncovered disturbing redundancies.>

organic business process n : process born of everyday business activities integral to an organization <And by organic business process, I don’t mean grassroots; I mean free-range, as in I’ll do what I want.>