Apple fans frown, Google strips down

Given my love life woes, reader Anne T. suggests I try a virtual girlfriend instead. Hong Kong software vendor Artificial Life makes one called Vivienne that lives inside a cell phone. Vivienne’s always in your pocket and talks endlessly on thousands of topics. But no matter how much you beg, she won’t upgrade your ring tone, if you know what I mean.

Crab Apples: Apple acolytes rushed to the defense of the mother ship this week following my blurb on the company’s lawsuits against rumor blogs. Reader Steven T. asks, Doesn’t Apple have the right to protect its trade secrets? Sure, but suing teenage bloggers is a nasty way to go about it. Those guys didn’t sign any nondisclosure agreements with Apple. Even Woz thinks his former garage-mates should call off the legal hounds. Meanwhile, a superior court judge has issued a preliminary ruling ordering the sites in question to fork over their sources, saying bloggers should not be accorded the same privileges as regular reporters (which also includes early liver failure and kowtowing to surly editors). You’d think that these guys had outed a CIA agent or something.

The Incredible Mr. Limpet: Fred Durst, lead singer for scrap-metal rock band Limp Bizkit, has filed an $80 million lawsuit against a passel of Web sites for distributing an “intimate” video of himself and an apparently tone-deaf friend. I would be surprised if Netizens who’ve viewed the clip didn’t sue Durst for negligence after suffering nausea, hives, and bouts of involuntary abstinence. The bigger question: Why would anyone who goes by the name “Limp” want to make a Hiltonesque video?

Gmail, Gbrowser, and now ... Gstring: According to a report in Good Morning Silicon Valley, Google may be mulling a move into the underwear business. No, I’m not making this up. Apparently, co-founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page believe a brassiere with the word “Google” written across it would have a certain Hooters-like charm.

Got hot tips or silly fashion trends? Send them to cringe@infoworld.com, and you may get a screaming yellow Cringely bag to hold your Google skivvies.