Yes, it’s that time of year: when we recognize all that is twisted and unholy in the world of high tech. Welcome to the third annual GUI Awards, for Greed, Underhandedness, and Imbecility. It’s just like the MTV Music Video Awards, only instead of hot wet kisses between Britney and Madonna, Steve Ballmer gets up onstage and starts throwing furniture. So without further ado, here are this year’s worthy winners.
The “I’m With Stupid” Award is a tie between Sony BMG Entertainment and First4Internet, which made the CD copy protection technology that turned consumer’s PCs into hackers' playthings. Even more stupid: Sony BMG issued a “fix” that made things worse. As part of their award, executives from both firms will be locked in a soundproof vault and forced to listen to Celine Dion until their ears bleed.
The “Drop Those PowerPoints and Nobody Gets Hurt” Award goes to Cisco Systems. At last summer’s Black Hat conference, Cisco did everything it could to prevent security consultant Mike Lynn from spilling the beans about holes in its IOS (Internetwork Operating System) software, save for a) putting a ball gag in his mouth, or b) fixing the damned flaws. Lynn squealed anyway and became a hero to reformed hackers everywhere. He also won an award of sorts: a job with Cisco competitor Juniper Networks. The sound you hear is Cisco CEO John Chambers gnashing what’s left of his teeth.
The “We’d Show You, But Then We’d Have to Kill You” Award goes to SCO, which finally submitted evidence in its nearly three-year-old copyright infringement case against IBM, but asked the judge to seal the files so only he could see them. I understand the evidence is so terrifying it has been known to drive grown men insane (although not insane enough to hold on to their SCO stock).
The “We’ll Just Take Our Root Servers and Go Home” Award goes to the United States government, which rebuffed the EU’s attempt to create an international body to oversee ICANN. I understand Secretary of State Condi Rice convinced them by threatening to open a new Euro Disney in every country that doesn’t already have one.
The “Maybe People Will Think It’s French” Award goes to Intel, for naming its new digital media processor “Viiv” (rhymes with “contrived”). Apparently, Intel has decided to test the theory that people who don’t give a damn what processor is inside their computers will care more if it has an unpronounceable name.
The “Our Lawyers Can Beat Up Your Lawyers” Award goes to Apple. In its relentless pursuit of truth, beauty, and total corporate control, the Cupertino crew tried to force four low-budget rumor sites to reveal the names of their anonymous sources. To prove it’s not completely heartless, however, Apple did offer to replace their dead iPod batteries.
The “First We’ll Reveal Our Plans for World Domination, Then We’ll Have a Snack” Award goes, naturally, to Google. E-mail, blogs, maps, classified ads, Wi-Fi, VoIP, space exploration -- it’s easier to count the industries Google isn’t trying to dominate. I hear that needlepoint, for example, is still wide open. Oh, sorry, they just announced GoogleKnit. Next?
Who’s the biggest loser of 2005? Send your picks to cringe@infoworld.com; you might just snag a new “I Spy 4 Cringely” bag for the new year.
This whitepaper explains the terminology and concepts behind Data Replication technologies and establishes some sizing rules through worked examples. Learn the new paradigm in disaster tolerance—protect data anywhere.
Download now »
Server virtualization is a popular option for dealing with mounting datacenter costs. Another equally promising approach is the use of an Application Delivery Controller. Citrix NetScaler provides a low-cost way for organizations to reduce their server count and accrue cost savings from a reduction in space, cooling, power and personnel.
Download now »
The emergence of WLANs has created a new breed of security threats to enterprise networks.
Included in HP ProCurve WLAN solutions is security technology that alleviates threats from WLANs through:
* Monitoring wireless activity inside and out of the enterprise
* Classifying WLAN transmissions into harmful and harmless
* Preventing transmissions that pose a security threat to the enterprise network
* Locating participating devices for physical remediation
Effectively address data protection challenges, implementing solutions that help store and protect business–critical data while cutting costs and improving efficiency and reliability.
Download now »
Sign up to receive Security Resource Alerts
This white paper provides guidance on how to develop a strategic approach to managing and monitoring logs, a key function required for compliance with many regulatory mandates and a critical defense against security threats.
Download now! »
Learn about the processes and technologies that support security information management (SIM) operations, as well as the business case for SIM. The series examines different options for implementing SIM and gives you evaluation criteria for selecting the best option for your organization.
Download now! »
Learn the strategies, actions, and capabilities that Best-in-Class organizations employ and technologies they choose to obtain superior performance against various security performance metrics. This report provides guidelines for identifying which security solutions to consume as a MSS and defines best practices for choosing and managing MSSPs.
Download now! »
Recommend This
