He reaches the ground floor, runs onto the sidewalk, and hurtles through the doors of the coffee shop next door. Wrenching the laptop open, he jumps onto the free Wi-Fi, and pumps through the steps to download the right JRE. As it starts, he screams at a hipster streaming "Garden State" to his iPhone to stop stealing all the bandwidth.
Finally, the download completes, and he updates the JRE version. It's only then that he can start installing the download assistant, pounding his fists on the table in frustration. At last, he's finally ready to download the core switch firmware that will save the day.
But he's coming from a different IP address now, and the vendor support site terminates his session and kicks him back to square one. Swearing loudly, tears of madness flowing down his face, he logs in and again wades through page after page of nonsense to find the one firmware image he needs. After an hour of trial and tribulation, along with several hours of downtime, he has finally succeeded. The image is there.
He blasts through the coffee shop doors, back into the building and back up the stairs, two at a time, then one at a time, then staggering out of breath. He runs back into the NOC, through the operations room doors, and screeches to a halt. It's empty, save for the deceased storage admin and a slightly drunk CEO in a disheveled tuxedo, sporting a red face, a shaky finger, and a visage of pure outrage.
The laptop clatters to the floor as the CEO terminates him with extreme prejudice.
As he stares at the floor of the elevator on his way to the ground floor, he can only think to himself, "One file. All I needed was one file...."
This story, "Danger: This tech support page contains marketing crap," was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Read more of Paul Venezia's The Deep End blog at InfoWorld.com.