All you need to do is buy a new Vista machine today. That's it. It's that simple. Buy a new Vista Home Premium Machine, and we'll upgrade you to Windows 7 Home Premium AT NO CHARGE. Buy a PC with Windows Vista Ultimate, and you'll get discs for Windows 7 Vista Ultimate -- again, at NO CHARGE.
(Disclaimer: Offers vary by manufacturer; "free" offers may still involve some nominal cost to buyer. Offer available from June 26 through Jan. 31, 2010, but may also vary by manufacturer. Upgrade limited to 25 PCs per buyer, so large enterprises can suck eggs. Buyers must provide DNA samples and swear loyalty oath to Microsoft. Yes, I just made that last bit up.)
You heard right. If you're willing to suffer through just three months of Vista frustration, you can experience the wonders of Windows 7 right in the comfort of your own home for NO ADDITIONAL FEE (except for the additional fees noted above). Better yet, we'll throw in free access to the Windows online support forums, where Microsoft fanboys will taunt you for having problems because clearly you must be doing something wrong, as we all know Windows products are generally flawless.
Even if you're still clinging to XP years after it debuted, you too can receive these benefits, as long as you're willing to wipe your disc and do a clean install. Same deal if you live in Europe. Hey paisan, that's what you get for your piddly little anti-trust concerns.
Order yours today!
Has Cringely gone completely off the deep end? If not, why is he talking about himself in the third person? Post your thoughts below or e-mail him: firstname.lastname@example.org.