Sorry, Google: I'm just not buzzed about Buzz

Google just unveiled its latest Facebook/Twitter-killing social email app, Google Buzz. But Cringely is less than impressed

I wake up each morning with the same mix of hope and dread. I hope Google will buy me for a princely sum and allow me to retire to some sandy beach where they serve mojitos 24/7. And I fear Google will simply invent a better version of me, forcing me to get a job as a greeter at Wal-Mart.

This must be what Facebook, Twitter, Plurk, MySpace, et al experience every day. Unable or unwilling to acquire those services, Google has decided to reinvent them (or copy, depending on your point of view) with Google Buzz.

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In case you missed the announcement yesterday, Buzz is Google's latest attempt to drop a 16-ton weight on the heads of Facebook and Twitter, primarily by combining elements of both. Using Gmail as a starting point, it lets you follow and unfollow, share your deep insights about what you had for lunch, post pix, videos, links, etc. You can connect it to Picasa, Flicker, Google Chat, Google Reader, and even Twitter (though only in one direction -- your tweets show up on Buzz, but your "Buzzes" don't show up on Twitter).

The key differences? Unlike Twitter, you're not limited to 140 characters, and the conversations are automatically threaded. Unlike Facebook, you don't have to fight off a zillion things competing for your attention, like people playing Farmville or Mafia Wars. Also, when people post something you can comment and vote on it. As the Buzzes pile up, Google will apparently sort them so the most "liked" posts rise to the top, while the ones about people's cats sink to the bottom -- at least, in theory.

(Also: So far, Ashton Kutcher and Perez Hilton haven't discovered it yet. So they got that going for them.)