Why must this be so difficult, so painful? Why must you spurn me at every opportunity, causing me to rend my clothing and speak in tongues? This hold you have over me is distressing... O Verizon, how I loathe thee.
You tempt me with promises of on-line account management, of security, let leave me hanging with Byzantine confirmation methods and completely unintelligible voice recordings of temporary PIN numbers. You email me validation codes that don't work, serve me ASP.NET pages that look and function like it's 1998, and yet STILL, you won't let me check my bill on-line.
Why must it be so? Why must you insist that you call my home phone with a temporary PIN thats read in a sampled voice? A voice that makes the letters D,E,G,P,V, and Z all sound alike? How many possible combinations must I try before I'm granted access to my own account, an account that I had full access to only weeks ago? It seems like so long -- so long since I found your website even moderately useful. No, I fear that the deeper feeling is gone, edged away from true apathy by a breathtaking barrage of useless and completely non-functional verification steps. It didn't have to be this way. You could have shown even an inkling of competence -- I would have forgiven, I would have tolerated you for a little while longer...
Now, I know not what will become of me. Perhaps I will finally convert all my lines to Time Warner Digital Phone. But wait! I cannot! You have me in an impossible position because I have DSL!
O Verizon... why can't I quit you?