This is it. The end of days. The Last Mile. The Final Enchilada. Some rude beast is slouching toward Bethlehem, and it's not just Oprah in a muumuu.
They're turning Twitter into a reality TV series.
Let me say that again, in case you missed it: They're turning Twitter into a reality TV series.
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This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but 140 characters of pure drivel.
For reasons that are only clear if your brain has been overexposed to cathode rays, two Hollywood production companies are cooking up an unscripted show built around the microblog. Per Variety:
The San Francisco-based web phenom has partnered with Reveille and Brillstein Entertainment to develop an unscripted TV skein described as "putting ordinary people on the trail of celebrities in a revolutionary competitive format."
Good-bye talk shows; hello stalk shows.
Top Twit Biz Stone played down the hype in his blog, declaring, "There is no official Twitter TV show... We have a lightweight, non-exclusive, agreement with the producers which helps them move forward more freely."
To Brillstein et al., it's the next Big Brother. To Stone, it's more like a hospital gown.
Here's the truly horrifying thing: If the series goes through as planned, Ashton Kutcher (aka @aplusk) has threatened to stop tweeting, depriving his 2 million followers of such bon mots as "I am so beyond excited for a three day weekend. I may go off line for a couple days just to ground out" and "I'm here by retiring the names 'tool', 'tool box', 'I'm unfollowing you tool', and 'aplusk, why are you such a tool?'"
Uber-cougar Demi Moore has threatened to take her 1 million+ twit fans and follow her tool -- I mean, man -- off into a tweet-free existence. If so, she may have to start taking her clothes off again to get any attention.
So far, all Brillstein and company have done is issue a press release, and they've already got folks organizing a posse and gathering pitchforks and torches. I'd call that a resounding success.
Personally, I think it's a brilliant idea. Do the math: 99 percent of TV is pablum for the synaptically challenged; 99 percent of tweets make "Hee Haw Honeys" look like "Masterpiece Theater." Put them together, you get 198 percent pure honey-flavored pablum -- a perfect dish for our ADD age.
To paraphrase the late Herbert Morrison, "Oh, the inanity."
Who would you cast in your Twitter TV show: David Hasselhoff? Erik Estrada? Post your thoughts below or e-mail me: firstname.lastname@example.org.