Memo to Microsoft: This is how you do marketing

So you think you can salvage Windows 8 Metro? Then join Cringely as he proposes new names for the upcoming OS

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Let me help get the ball rolling. Here are some names Microsoft should consider to replace Metro:

Thoroughly Modern Microsoft. A name that's both alliterative and aspirational; Microsoft would love it people thought the company was thoroughly modern. With any luck, Microsoft could even snag Julie Andrews as a spokesmodel.

Windows Mista. Like Vista, only it makes it makes you misty thinking about it. OK, it makes Steve Ballmer misty; everyone else just throws up a little bit in their mouth.

Zune. Sure, it's been done before, but it's available, and at least Microsoft owns the copyright.

Windows Zombie Apocalypse. Three reasons:

  1. Microsoft eats brains.
  2. Its products just keep plodding along for years after they're dead.
  3. Zombies are cool. Microsoft? Not cool.

Microsoft Knob. Because any story about bad Windows product names has to have a Microsoft Bob joke in it. It's a rule.

Windows 8 Interface Add-On Pack Version 1.0 Professional Edition. See the rule about Microsoft Bob, above.

iWindows. Just to watch Tim Cook and the entire Apple legal team stroke out.

What do you think Microsoft's new Windows design should be called? Nominate your picks below or email me: cringe@infoworld.com.

This article, "Memo to Microsoft: This is how you do marketing," was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Follow the crazy twists and turns of the tech industry with Robert X. Cringely's Notes from the Field blog, and subscribe to Cringely's Notes from the Underground newsletter.

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