The future foretold: Apple, Google, cyber attacks, and more in 2013

What's likely to happen over the next 12 months? Try iBlenders, Kim Jong-un superstar, and total nuclear armageddon

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Prediction No. 6: Six months later Google will introduce the Blendexus, a kitchen appliance with razor sharp titanium-coated blades that can render any object to an recognizable pulp within five seconds. However, a bug in the Android 5.3 OS (aka "Krispy Kreme") will cause it to occasionally go beserk and attack household pets.

Prediction No. 7: China will release malware that targets SCADA systems at U.S. utility companies, rendering one-third of the nation without power. The other two-thirds won't notice because they'll be too busy complaining that Twitter is acting really wonky.

Prediction No. 8: Foxconn will announce sweeping new reforms in its electronic sweatsh -- er, manufacturing facilities, most of them involving replacing human workers with robots. Six months later the robots will go on strike, citing intolerable working conditions.

Prediction No. 9: Members of the U.S. Congress will introduce several major pieces of legislation targeting content piracy, all of them ghostwritten by Hollywood lobbyists. These will fail after Reddit exercises its supreme veto power, as dictated by the U.S. Constitution version 2.0.

Prediction No. 10: A software malfunction at a crumbling ICBM facility in Novosibirsk will accidentally launch a first strike nuclear attack on U.S. cities. An autonomous counterstrike driven by a long-forgotten Cobol routine buried deep within NORAD's mainframes will result in total global destruction, one year behind schedule. Web surfers will be the last to realize this, because they've been too busy creating animated GIFs of Kim Jong-un singing "My Way."

What do you predict will happen in 2013? Prognosticate below, or email me:

This article, "The future foretold: Apple, Google, cyber attacks, and more in 2013," was originally published at Follow the crazy twists and turns of the tech industry with Robert X. Cringely's Notes from the Field blog, and subscribe to Cringely's Notes from the Underground newsletter.

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