The future foretold: Apple, Google, cyber attacks, and more in 2013

What's likely to happen over the next 12 months? Try iBlenders, Kim Jong-un superstar, and total nuclear armageddon

It looks like we made it through the Mayan apocalypse after all. That means we're faced with another year -- and more predictions about what that year may hold in store.

As faithful readers may recall, last year I successfully predicted the Facebook IPO (and subsequent faceplant), that Windows Phone would become the third-most popular smart phone (and still get no respect), and that Mitt Romney would be the Republican nominee for president (and still get no respect).

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However, I unsuccessfully predicted that Apple would produce an iOS-based HDTV, RIM would be acquired by either Google or Microsoft, and the Geico Gecko would become a third-party candidate for president. Also, there was that whole Mayan prophecy thing. Who knew they had more than one calendar?

Still, with a track record like that, I couldn't resist doing it again. Here's what's going to happen over the next 12 months -- you can bank on it. Especially if you bank at Leon's House of Savings and Waffles, like I do.

Prediction No. 1: This year I am renewing my prediction that Apple will bestow a new app-friendly HDTV unto a grateful planet. Why? Because a) it has to happen eventually, and b) what else does it have left? The number of devices that can be doused in magical sparkle sauce (aka the Apple iOS) is dwindling rapidly.

Prediction No. 2: After being named 2012 Person of the Year in Time.com's Internet poll and "sexiest man alive" by The Onion, North Korea's Kim Jong-un will stun the world by making an appearance on "The Voice." His signature song: "My Way (Gangnam Style)."

Prediction No. 3: Agents working for Iran will launch a major cyber attack on the United States, crippling critical parts of our domestic Internet infrastructure. This will go largely unnoticed by U.S. netizens, who will be too busy arguing over the latest language changes in Facebook's terms of service.

Prediction No. 4: After finally identifying the Higgs boson (aka the "God particle"), researchers at the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva will announce they've identified the Atheist particle. It will turn out that it was on Quora all along.

Prediction No. 5: Tim Cook will introduce the iBlender, a miraculous device that allows you to make delicious life-changing smoothies by tapping on a touchscreen, provided you only use ingredients pre-approved by the Apple Store. (Sorry, no BlackBerrys.) The Internet will spend the next three months tearing down the iBlender to price out its component parts, writing about how blended drinks have changed everything forever, and speculating when the next, even smaller model will appear.

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