Apple introduces Mac OS XX Lioness

Women have come a long way, baby -- and so has Apple with an operating system specifically intended for the ladies

[This is an April Fool's story. It is fiction, not fact even though it contains facts. --Ed.]

Today Apple has made a surprise announcement of its latest operating system. Following the "big cat" theme that has long marked the company's foundational code, Apple now introduces Mac OS XX Lioness -- the OS that's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

As a tech leader, Apple has never shied away from marketing toward what had been previously considered niche markets. For example, Apple staked out the education market decades ago, with a strong presence in classrooms and discounts for students and teachers, and young families claim the spotlight in Apple's recent ads for its iPad line. With Mac OS XX Lioness, Apple appears to be acting on research that indicates women are making more technology purchases. There are many theories on why this shift has taken place, but the bottom line remains: Women are spending a good chunk of their disposable income on tech goods.

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The new Mac OS includes all the usual features you'd expect of a major operating system intended to appeal to both desktop and mobile users. Mac OS XX Lioness not only works with cloud documents, but enables automatic syncing with iCloud. OS XX Lioness also continues the coordination with iOS features, such as AirPrint compatibility and social media integration, particularly with Instagram and Pinterest. However, Lioness differentiates itself in its extra features intended specifically for women.

Perhaps the most notable feature at first glance is the screen perspective. In OS XX Lioness, Apple's designers have enabled the screen to appear at a backward-tilting angle, regardless of the user's position. This way, the user will have to lean in to access their apps and do their work.

One particular feature may be of special interest to women who spend their days crunching numbers in Excel for family or work budgets or are enmeshed in arranging calendars, whether for client meetings or carpools. If you're tired of people hanging over your shoulder and interrupting your work with questions about mathematical formulas or scheduling conflicts, you can push a button and zap immediately to a website about the latest trashy reality show. Your would-be interlopers, colleagues and family members alike, will be so dismissive of this frivolous content, they'll pass you right by -- and let you get back to your pressing work duties.

Mobile and remote workers who are also parents may be disappointed to learn that Mac OS XX Lioness does not provide an in-office nursery when you have to come into the office. You will still have to arrange for your own childcare needs.

In keeping with Apple tradition, Mac OS XX Lioness doesn't work with USB devices and maintains the company's tradition of closed systems. Thus, dongles and forking are both forbidden.

CEO Tim Cook handled the presentation alone, accompanied by neither a celebrity endorser nor a troupe of actors. When asked if men could use Mac OS XX Lioness, Cook replied Apple welcomes all users into the community, but warned that the OS works better with desktops, laptops, tablets, and smartphones than with head-mounted devices.

Mac OS XX Lioness will be available on May 12 in the United States, Canada, China, Germany, and other regions. Additional release dates have yet to be announced.

Please note: This is an April Fools' joke.

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