Feds weather fictional attack, Oracle cuts workers some slack

The Department of Homeland Security has released its report on Operation Cyber Storm, a simulated attack on the nation's digital infrastructure. The good news is we survived. The bad news? It seems the agencies responsible for responding to cyberattacks hadn't been properly introduced and didn't know how to contact one another. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed to bend over and kiss your assets goodbye. On a positive note, DHS officials earned high marks for quickly locating the "any" key.

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Putting the Grunt Back in "Disgruntled" Oracle insiders say the company is converting many of its salaried employees to hourly status, which means they'll be eligible for overtime pay but not bonuses. Rumor has it the move was to taken to head off potential lawsuits over unpaid overtime. (Oracle spokesfolk declined to comment.) On the plus side, employees below the level of director will no longer be required to swab the decks of Larry Ellison's yachts.

Take Your Pyxis Following suspiciously close on the heels of last week's Apple iPod lovefest, Microsoft officially announced its new Zune music player and service. Meanwhile, several readers have nits to pick with Pyxis, the alleged code name for Toshiba's Zune MP3 player. Among other things, Pyxis is the name of Sony's first handheld GPS device, a family of health care products, a wireless data service, a constellation, and a type of fruit that falls apart to release its seeds. (Thanks to John V., Bob E., Rich G., and Dave H. for the picayune Pyxis trivia.) I predict Toshiba nixes "Pyxis" for something more prosaic. "Toshiba Bob" has a certain ring.

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Megadeth IT workers are more likely to wear heavy metal T-shirts than Brooks Brothers suits, according to a pointless but entertaining online survey by Intermedia.Net. Tech geeks are also more likely to sport ponytails than their suited colleagues and to wash their clothes less often. However, only 2 percent admit they wear fake Rolex watches to impress chicks. I suspect the actual percentage is much higher.

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