Dell's rep in flames, Vista's online fame

I’ve figured out the true cause of global warming. It’s not oil, coal, or that cloud of superheated air rising over Washington. It’s the lithium-ion batteries inside Dell notebooks. More photos of Dell’s Dell's burning hunks of love have appeared on the Net, along with reports that Dell may have concealed evidence of “dozens” of such machines when it recalled 35,000 notebook batteries last December. And that sickly sweet burning smell? That’s the last of Dell’s reputation going up in flames.

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Microsoft’s Latest “Killer App”: The hottest online video since Colin Farrell bared his assets is a demo of Windows Vista’s “improved” voice recognition. When Microsoft demonstrator Shanen Boettcher said “Dear Mom,” Vista heard “Dear Aunt.” When he said “fix aunt” and “select all delete,” it heard “let’s set so double the killer delete select all.” Apparently the OS has a murderous streak. Fortunately, Boettcher stopped the demo before Vista went on a rampage.

Whine Testing: For months, Macheads have complained of whining noises coming from beneath the keyboards of their MacBook Pros. (Others report buzzing, squealing, or mooing.) Last week Apple copped to the problem and urged users to contact AppleCare for a fix. Must be that new Barnyard Processing Unit that Intel built into the chips.

100 Percent Certifiable: Cringester Lawrence S. was perusing a site for MS certified pros when he spied an ad for HotExam.com, which promises to “help you acquire [Microsoft] certifications without you set foot [sic] in any test sites.” For $2,499 HotExam will hire a ringer to take the tests in your name. According to “David Hume, Certification Consultant” at HotExam, it’s legal because the tests are taken by people outside U.S. borders. Microsoft says hiring a proxy to take the test will earn you a lifetime ban from its certification program. According to the site’s domain name records, HotExam’s offices share an address with a Springhill Suites near Houston’s Hobby Airport. Makes sense. In the ersatz certification biz, the ability to make a quick getaway is a plus.

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