Windows pirates abound, iPod killer is found

Silicon Valley execs are nibbling their fingernails, waiting to see whom the Feds finger next in their options-rigging probe. Brocade Communications’ CEO Greg Reyes and HR honcho Stephanie Jensen could spend 20 years up the river for allegedly backdating share options and failing to report them to the SEC. Other firms under scrutiny include Apple, Intuit, Juniper Networks, and McAfee. I hear Valley CEOs are lobbying for a new minimum-security prison offering Wi-Fi and chai lattes.

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This OS Has Been Brought to You by the Letter “Rrrr”: Sixty million. That’s how many XP pirates the Windows Genuine Advantage tool turned up, according to a blog by Microsoftie Alex Kochis. He adds that Microsoft has received only “a handful” of verifiable false positives out of 300 million machines tested. Ironically, that’s about how many I’ve received from Cringesters who bought machines from major OEMs, never reinstalled the OS, yet have been told their copies aren’t genuine. In other words, Microsoft is claiming a 99.999-plus percent success rate. I think somebody’s slipped something funny into the Redmond water supply again.

When the Chips Are Down: As did Dell before it, Intel has reshuffled its deck of executives following more dismal quarterly earnings reports. The good news? So far, nobody has captured the Conroe chip exploding on videotape.

Shake Your Rebooty: It turns out rumors of a Microsoft "iPod killer" are true after all. Reportedly combining the best aspects of iTunes, MySpace, and MS-DOS 3.0, the Wi-Fi-enabled Zune could shave as much as 1 percent off the iPod’s market share. However, there’s no truth to the rumor that “Zune” is an ancient Native American word meaning “walks in slop with head held high.”

Apparently Butthead.com Was Taken: Order has been restored to the Net now that Tom Cruise has been awarded dominion over TomCruise.com. The diminutive-yet-demonstrative thespian won the rights to the URL from celebrity cybersquatter Jeff Burgar. No word on whether he’ll also lay claim to TomCruiseIsNuts.

Got hot tips or XP pirate stories? Send them to cringe@infoworld.com and ye may receive a bag for hauling your booty.