Quicken won't install, HP makes the call

I played my annual April Fools’ Day joke on my tough-as-nails editor by pretending to submit my resignation. He played his annual joke by pretending to accept it. But now my work phone appears to be disconnected and I can no longer check my InfoWorld inbox. OK, I’ll play along -- as long as they don’t pay me in pretend money.

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He’s just not that Intuit: He’s tried flowers, chocolates, and whispered sweet nothings, but Cringester Ken L. still can’t persuade Quicken 2005 to install over Windows XP Service Pack 2. Intuit’s solution: Uninstall SP2, install Quicken 2005, and then reinstall SP2. (“And honey, while you’re at it, could you take out the trash and detail my car?”) An Intuit spokeshuman confirms the problem but says only a small number of Quicken users experience installus interruptus. Ken says he’s so ticked off, he may break off his 10-year relationship with Quicken and take up with that new hottie, Microsoft Money 2005. Don’t do it, Ken. You know she’ll break your heart in the end.

Hurd it on the grapevine: After secret deliberations, HP’s board named NCR CEO Mark Hurd as successor to Carly (rhymes with “Gnarly”) Fiorina. The board allegedly picked Hurd out of a pool of talented candidates, including former HP Prez Michael Capellas, U2 lead singer Bono, and beloved cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants.

UnGarded moments: Last week a group of seven private equity firms purchased SunGard Data Systems for a cool $11.3 billion. It was the largest leveraged buyout since the days before Michael Milken wore an orange jumpsuit. I hope that doesn’t mean the ’80s are back. I couldn’t take any more Duran Duran.

Welcome to Neverland: In a story leaked to The Wall Street Journal, Microsoft revealed details of Longhorn’s upcoming “Info-cards” security feature, which will allegedly keep users’ account numbers and other vital info away from Net no-goodniks. Somehow I’m not convinced. Trusting Microsoft to protect your personal information is a bit too much like hiring Michael Jackson to baby-sit your kids.

Got hot tips or an angry e-mail about that last joke? Send them to cringe@infoworld.com and you may end up getting bagged.