Gates deals, Dell squeals

I hate disappointing loyal readers, but there’s little to report on the love front this week. Margot is still MIA, and as for my other hot prospects, we’re still awaiting word from the parole board. I’ve just been sitting around at my computer, waiting for the electronic jihad to strike.

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Let’s just call it Mediumhorn: In case you missed it, Microsoft has admitted that Longhorn, the successor to Windows XP, will ship without its much-hyped WinFS data storage system. Still, Chairman Gates declared in an interview that “the glass is three-quarters full.” Meanwhile, my sources tell me that developers on the Redmond campus will no longer be required to wear pants. Under new company rules, the employees would be considered three-quarters clothed. 

Well blow me down: Cringester crewman Bradley L. says his Dell Inspiron 8100 notebook came with squealing fans, and not the kind you find at Ricky Martin concerts. So he sent it to Dell for warranty repairs. Ten days later, his machine came back with a new keyboard, LCD, and motherboard — but the same noisy fans. Bradley solved the problem by installing the I8kfanGUI utility, which cranks down the fans until the notebook starts to boil over and then turns them on full blast. Now he says the fans don’t squeal, they just occasionally sound like a small hurricane.

Not going accordion to plan: Tales of exploding CDs inspired Cringester Tommy T. to recall his days as an independent service provider. While installing a network card one day, he popped in a 3Com driver disk, only to discover the CD was filled with polka music. In an eerie coincidence, a polka site that tried to distribute free CDs found they were loaded with Ethernet drivers. Somehow, they just didn’t go as well with beer and kielbasa.

Why they cancelled Comdex: This just in from the Las Vegas Review-Journal: Bill Gates is apparently a tightwad, notorious for leaving small tips. (In fact, Vegas “gossip guru” Norm Clarke calls him "Mr. Microtips.") Apparently, Sir Bill has left a few too many nickels on the counter at the Vegas IHOP.

Got hot tips? Send ’em to cringe@infoworld.com and pack all your troubles in a new kit bag.